Pretty when you cry
by Dia-Rose-713
Summary: They have had a hard past and then they parted. What will Draco do if Harry appears in front of his door again? HPDM Slash, Lime Lemon


**Title**: Pretty when you cry

**Author**: DiamondOfOcean

**Beta**: _DomTheKnight_, best beta ever :-)

**Pairing**: Draco Malfoy/ Harry Potter

**Genre**: Drama

**Rating**: T

**Summary**: They have had a hard past and then they parted. What will Draco do if Harry appears in front of his door again? HPDM Slash, Lime

**Warnings**: Slash, violent lime (or even lemon? But not really rape, just somehow... it is though o.O), dark!Harry; while reading it myself again, I felt some kind of heartache -.-

**Disclaimer**: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of Joanne Kathleen Rowling. A part of the letter is originally a German song called "Du erinnerst mich an Liebe" by Ich und Ich, I've just translated some extracts. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended. But plot's mine.

**About**: one-shot, violence, dark, sad?

**Author's note**: I'm sorry about this. This isn't what my stories are usually like, but I couldn't forget the idea of Gone Forever's plot, so I had to write it. But be warned, I guess it's nothing for weak nerves...

**Pretty when you cry**

_Give my heart back to me_

'_Cause you don't need my love_

_Give my heart back to me_

_Before it's broken into pieces_

_The sooner you leave_

_The easier it will be for me_

_So give my heart back to me_

Night. I hate it, because everything bursts out at night and I'm forced to remember you. Because of you my mind is always racing. I don't know what's going on, I don't know what to feel. It has been months since you left, but it seems like it was yesterday.

I can imagine your face, your lovely smile, your shining eyes. And I can also imagine the rage, the hate in them when you beat me. I hardly dare to say it, but my life's empty without you. I don't want to admit it, but secretly I only think of you. You're always on my mind.

We were never meant to be together, but we ignored the signs. Everyone told us we couldn't live a peaceful life together. And the first time you screamed at me, I should have made you leave, but I was blinded by you like my heart was blinded, too. And since our first argument I was very critical about you. Everything got on my nerves. I hated it when you chewed on your lips when you didn't know what to do; I hated it when you moved your lips while reading silently; I hated it when you narrowed your eyes when you pondered acutely; I hated it when your voice got lower for some nuances when you were in the mood to argue. Somehow those little habits made me really aggressive.

But that wasn't the reason which made me cry when you didn't look. The reason was that you became alien to me. And I missed your smile, so every day I hoped to see it, but day by day you even became more emotionless.

So one day I provoked you to see _any_ emotion till it happened...

**° Flashback °**

"Harry... you know this can't go on. I don't know what's up with you, but you're scary as hell. There's a dark aura around you which gets under my skin. You don't laugh, you don't say as much as in the past... you don't even smile. What the fuck has happened to you? I'm afraid I don't know you anymore. You became alien to me. I used to feel secure at your side, but now I don't. Be honest, I don't deserve this. I don't deserve your indifference and the subliminal disgust. I'm scared that you aren't able to love anymore; that you can't return the feelings I have for you."

"Shut up," you hissed. I could see you shivering and your brain working.

"No! You'll listen to me, you prat!" I inhaled and sighed. "It isn't just the dark aura which scares me... I have the feeling I can't reach you. You seem to be dead inside and it hurts that I can't help you. I won't leave you, but I want you to know that I think I don't belong to you anymore. Nevertheless, I want you to know that it's not too late, because it's never too late. Give me a chance to help you and tell me what's wrong with you. Harry, please!"

"I said _shut up!_" You took a step forward, your eyes dangerously twinkling.

But I ignored your command and I pleaded and breathed, before I continued talking: "Your glares choke me. You don't listen to me; I don't feel important to you anymore. You'd better go before you see my broken heart."

"I told you to shut the fuck up!" you screamed, shivering, and then, all of a sudden, you punched me. I held my breath and cupped my throbbing cheek. Hair falling into my forehead, I drew back slowly, never tearing my eyes from you.

You stared at your own hand in disbelief. The old Harry would have broken down and apologized a million of times... however, the old Harry would have never punched me. But this wasn't the old Harry. The Harry in front of me I didn't know at all. And when you lifted your head to look into my eyes, you shook your head and smirked mischievously. And suddenly I knew we reached the point of no return. The dark aura around you got black and caused a chill to run over my back.

"Still scared, _Darling?_" you scoffed, but I couldn't answer. My eyes got wide when I observed your growing smile. You stepped forward till you stood so close that I nearly touched you. A bitter hate and danger were emanating from you. Your lips were so close and when I thought you were going to kiss me, I thought wrong. Instead, you pressed your hand to my throat. I tried to breathe but I found I couldn't do it.

Before too long, you knocked the air out of me by punching me right in the stomach. I writhed with pain, coughing, and slumped to the ground. I still couldn't breathe. You leaned over me and looked down in satisfaction. Your eyes were dark green and seemed to be aflame. Why were you doing this to me? Where was the hate in you from? I didn't want to realize that I've lost my place at your side; the place in your heart, in your soul.

You helped me up by pulling me hard onto my feet. Afterwards you pushed me into the direction of our bed and I felt the edge of the bed pushing against the hollow of my knees. "No," I whimpered silently, but either you didn't hear me or you just ignored me. With unyielding hands you undressed me and pressed me into the sheets.

Your heavy body lay on mine and I closed my eyes and turned my head away to stare at our wardrobe. I didn't want to notice anything, so I didn't feel your lips on my right earlobe, till you whispered something:

"Oh, Draco, don't be so passive, you'll miss all the fun." Each of your words was dripping with derision and scorn. "You said you don't know me anymore. Well, I'm just giving you the chance to become acquainted with me. _Again._ Isn't that what you wanted?" I bit my lips to not say a word. "Answer," you demanded and slapped on my cheek. Hard. "_Answer_, Draco!" Another slap; and a third one. I was sure the place where you hit me was already red. It burned like there were a thousand needles that pricked into my soft skin. Then your fingers dug deep into my flesh. I exhaled painfully.

Finally, I managed to nod.

You were slightly amused. "Good. Next time don't make me repeat, love." I looked into those green eyes which were out of control now. Those eyes I was fascinated with a time ago. Those eyes that had looked at me with love and affection. Now I could only see inexplicable rage. Fuck, why? Why did this happen?

For the first time this day you kissed me. It wasn't a gender kiss; it was just the pressure on top of each others lips. After a time you sucked my bottom lip into your mouth, while your hands caressed my naked chest. Unconsciously, I moaned. Suddenly you bit down until I could taste blood on my tongue. I couldn't help but tear my lips away and scream quietly.

"Does it hurt?" You asked, worried, but his worry was only an affectation. Then you kissed me again, violently, hard. Once, I tried to get free by struggling, but I didn't manage. "Well... _you_ wanted to get to know me. Here I am, honey."

I closed my eyes and sighed heavily, pondering your statement. When I opened them again, I looked straight into your fiery eyes. I could only fight you with your own weapons. "You can do worse than this, I guess. Don't disappoint me, _Potter_." I felt sick of my own words; I didn't know what I might do by saying this.

You narrowed your eyes, stared at me sceptically. What? Didn't think I would say something like that? Yeah, maybe it would have been the best if I hadn't said such a thing, but in my position it didn't matter what was wrong or right. I felt the hand on my chest clench. Again you dug you nails into my flesh, but this time it bled slightly.

"I could kill you, you know." There was no emotion in your voice, no sign of interest.

I turned my head and looked at you, indifferently, carelessly. "Why don't you do it, then?"

My question made you smile. The kiss you gave me was soft, but teasingly so. Your tongue was busy exploring my mouth and I couldn't help but moan in yearning. I could feel you smile wider. This kiss was so lovely; I couldn't believe what had happened earlier. But then, your answer pulled me back to reality.

"Because you're just too pretty when you cry. Pain really suits you... But I'm not sure if this is a good quality of yours." You paused. You bit the little wound on my bottom lip open. Blood ran again and I gasped. Closing your eyes and licking my blood away again, you said: "Has anyone ever told you that you really taste good?" You groaned quietly. "Anyway, I have plenty of time, I could kill you after breaking your lovely little heart."

"I won't keep you from doing it," I said coldly, without any emotion in my voice.

"No... you surely won't... But that's not what I want."

"Then, what _do_ you want?"

You didn't answer. But I didn't expect one anyway. Instead, you scratched over my chest, over my belly, down to my hips. Your hand wandered to my cock and covered it. I panted in arousal, then I gasped when you dug your fingers into my cock. I closed my eyes and some tears of pain came out of them.

"My, my, does it really hurt that much, my dearest?"

Without thinking, I replied: "No. And do you want to know why it doesn't hurt? Because I contemplate this scene from far away. I'm watching a person I don't know hurting another person I don't know. I feel sympathy for them, especially for the man hurting the other. I'm wondering what must have happened to him that he can't help but torture the man he loves allegedly. I'm really sorry for this man."

You stared at me and for a second I could see that you became aware of what you were doing. Your lips moved just a little bit as if you were about to apologize. But you didn't. Instead a burning pain shot through my disgraced body when you slid into me unyieldingly. I opened my mouth to scream but no single sound escaped from my lips. It _hurt_, it really did. You pushed harder and harder inside me and no matter how hard I tried to relax under your thrusts, I could only feel the pain arise. But my arse wasn't the only thing that hurt, no, deep inside me it hurt more than I could ever describe.

Everything lost its importance. It didn't matter if I cried and it didn't matter if I bleed, I couldn't reach you anyway. You had been on a road and neither you nor I knew where it led. I turned my head and stared at the white cold wall. Feeling the sting of tears falling from my face you had loved for years, I began to cry. Apathetically. Frantically. Without making any sound.

Moonlight threw light upon my face and made the trails of watery crystal-like pearls shine. Right in this moment you looked at me and suddenly you stopped your cruel invasion. I granted you a look under my cold appearance; let you look into my deeply buried soul. And as if you realized you were the cause of my tears, the cause of my heartache, you drew back quickly.

"What has happened to me?" You asked a question I wasn't able to answer. You asked a question whose answer I would be dying to know. Pulling up your jeans, you stumbled out of the bedroom, kept saying "what have I done?" I heard the front door close.

Afterwards, I coiled up and let go of my tears involuntarily. I cried silent desperate tears, not able to focus my surroundings anymore. And suddenly I knew that the world we knew won't come back again, that we couldn't get back the time we lost, and that the life we once had won't be ours ever again.

**° End of the Flashback °**

Since then I've never seen you again. You're gone and I still can't believe it. So I stand up while the world around me reminds me of the story of our life together. I know my life became much better since you left. I'm not lying or denying that I feel so much better, now that you're gone. Every day I tell myself that I don't miss you at all. I suppress my tears, telling myself I'm able to be alone.

In the kitchen I pour some water into a glass, but instead of drinking it, I sprinkle it into my face in order to think more clearly. I should be glad you disappeared, because my life became much more calm and peaceful. But then the hope arises that you are missing me... like I'm missing you.

It's wrong to miss you and I don't want to have anything more to do with you. But on silent wings the emptiness swings through my heart and through my dreams of desire that I've never found. Dreams of a person that once has borne my name and that I once have known; now I don't know myself anymore. With you leaving me I died inside. Somehow I feel used up and my feelings are betrayed. I loved you more than a person could ever love someone. I loved you for many years - against every rule. I was an object of my love. And that's what I still am.

Now a curse rests on my sick heart that once was so secure. The soul in my chest has no mercy and always reminds me of you. I sit down and bury my head in my arms. There's a pain deep inside of me, it's aching, hurting, and nearly killing, just like a knife in my sorrowful chest.

I stand up, walk into the living room and open the bottom drawer of the shelf. One single moment I hesitate, then I pick up those old yellow envelopes and unfold the love letters. I always read them when my longing for you is unbearable. It's going to hurt bad, before it gets better - till I need to read them again.

_Draco, _

_When my soul's grey and nothing makes sense, when I'm at the top, so I don't know where to go anymore, then I run to you. You know me and the way I really am. And this encourages me to survive the everyday life. _

_You remind me of love, I can see who you really are. And I'm proud that I even know parts of you no one else knows; I see your true colours and not only those shades of grey you allow others to see. _

_You also remind me of the person that I can be like. Near you I can live up my true being. I don't have to pretend__ to be __a damn hero. And this is quite a good reason to thank you. _

_When my inner voice talks to me, but I'm deaf and don't hear it, then you just have to look at me and hold me. Then I'll be calmed. You have to remind me of love and that's what you do just with your presence. _

_What I want to say with all those complicated sentences: I love you, I really do. And I will burn in hell if I ever dare to hurt you. And if you ever forget the feelings I have for you, just unfold my letters. And if that doesn't work, I'd be gladly willing to prove my love to you again and again._

_Harry_

I can't help but writhe in heartache. My eyes burn because of my suppressed tears. How often have I already tried to rip them to pieces and throw them away? How often have I already crumpled them up and then I smoothed them again?

Suddenly the door bell rings. Frowning, I stand up and go to the door. Who would visit me _now?_ It's nearly midnight after all. After I've opened my front door I freeze in shock. You, man of my dreams but also nightmares, stand in front of me and look as good as months ago. As usual your hair's a mess, your green eyes shine lightly and even the dark aura around you has gone.

"Hi," you say, shyly smiling. I don't say a single word, I'm too paralyzed. What are _you_ doing here? You should be in Germany because of a job for the ministry, but _not_ here. "Draco?" you ask, but I still don't move. "May I come in?" I'm shivering when I see your smile. No, no, no! What shall I do now? I've tried to forget you for several months and I've done pretty well. And now you claim a right to show up, saying "hey, I'm back, may I come in?"

Rage floods my mind. This can't be true. I must be dreaming. It's just one of my obtrusive dreams that remind me of missing you. And then, without even thinking anymore but a hard look, I close the door again in front of your nose.

**The End**

_... but maybe to be continued?_

°hides under her blanket° Well? Are you guys going to kill me? Or wasn't it that bad?

Oh, and if you guys please visit my Internet board? www . diarose . proboards60 . com (remove the blank spaces ;) ), we still need _much_ more users:)

Take care  
Dia


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